Dear dreams,
You've escaped me more than once, you've transformed over the years, you've grown into something that's finally reachable. Am I worthy of all I'm dreaming of? I can't possibly know for sure, but what I do know is that I'm working my hardest to get to that point where I can say: This was my dream and I'm finally where I'm supposed to be.
Over the years, it seemed that all you were doing was running away from me, but I've realized now it was only because I wasn't meant to have any of those things. I was meant to be here, right now, writing this. And for the first time in a lot of time, I'm not complaining. Sure, there are minor annoyances, but who cares considering I'm finally living my dream? Or part of it, anyway. But it's still way better than nothing.
One thing is for sure. I'd like to say thanks to whomever or whatever kept my dreams alive, even if you kept changing with time. I've come to terms with the fact that along with my dreams, I was changing, too. And I kind of like who I am right now, though there's lots of room for improving.
And I ask for something, if you dreams don't mind. Please, always guide me towards the best path, always shine a light on what I'm supposed to do. I tend to get lost from time to time. But I always come back.
Until we meet again.
Your maker.
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
Saturday, 18 December 2010
Day four (4)
Dear Stefana,
Yay! Finally a letter I can properly address. How do I even start telling you that you're not only the best sister one could have, but also an amazing best friend? And that I love you so much, I wish you were with me every single day. And that I cannot wait for the day you will finally join me in this country, that I'm trying to make a home out of, but know I won't really be able to achieve that until you're here. Granted, you're not going to be here, but at least I'll be able to take a train and visit you, rather than book an airline ticket months in advance. It's still something.
Part of my best friend letter is also addressed to you, because you're the one that can talk to me about all the things we love (like Harry Potter, Anne Rice's vampires or how ugg boots are just plain ugly!) without ever getting bored of what I have to say. And while I may be annoying to you sometimes, you never actually tell me off, you're pretty patient in listening to all I have to say. Thank you for that.
Remember when we used to be little and we'd go to the park and sing random songs while swinging on those rusty, old swings? That's one of the most treasured memories I have, because it was a time when we were both innocent and unaware of the big, bad world. It's how I feel whenever I see you and get to hug you. I miss you every day and think about whatever you're doing, hoping that time goes by faster until I finally get to wrap my arms around you again.
I'm not perfect and neither are you, since we both have our own fair share of flaws. But you're more than just a sister to me; you're one of the reasons I can be all on my own and not feel like I'm failing. Because you've always taught me that I have to be strong and have it my way, no matter what. That is a valuable lesson, you'll see.
I'll end this letter by telling you that I could not be here today without your help and your support; and more so, I couldn't be the person I am today, for you and a few other people have helped shape up what is now a young adult trying on the waters of life. Thank you for that, too.
Hoping that wherever you are, you're having an amazing time,
Yours truly,
Tina.
Yay! Finally a letter I can properly address. How do I even start telling you that you're not only the best sister one could have, but also an amazing best friend? And that I love you so much, I wish you were with me every single day. And that I cannot wait for the day you will finally join me in this country, that I'm trying to make a home out of, but know I won't really be able to achieve that until you're here. Granted, you're not going to be here, but at least I'll be able to take a train and visit you, rather than book an airline ticket months in advance. It's still something.
Part of my best friend letter is also addressed to you, because you're the one that can talk to me about all the things we love (like Harry Potter, Anne Rice's vampires or how ugg boots are just plain ugly!) without ever getting bored of what I have to say. And while I may be annoying to you sometimes, you never actually tell me off, you're pretty patient in listening to all I have to say. Thank you for that.
Remember when we used to be little and we'd go to the park and sing random songs while swinging on those rusty, old swings? That's one of the most treasured memories I have, because it was a time when we were both innocent and unaware of the big, bad world. It's how I feel whenever I see you and get to hug you. I miss you every day and think about whatever you're doing, hoping that time goes by faster until I finally get to wrap my arms around you again.
I'm not perfect and neither are you, since we both have our own fair share of flaws. But you're more than just a sister to me; you're one of the reasons I can be all on my own and not feel like I'm failing. Because you've always taught me that I have to be strong and have it my way, no matter what. That is a valuable lesson, you'll see.
I'll end this letter by telling you that I could not be here today without your help and your support; and more so, I couldn't be the person I am today, for you and a few other people have helped shape up what is now a young adult trying on the waters of life. Thank you for that, too.
Hoping that wherever you are, you're having an amazing time,
Yours truly,
Tina.
Day three (3)
I'm a little late, because I had to work extra yesterday, so by the time I could sit in front of my computer, I was too tired and just ready to sleep, haha. So I'm doing day three and day four in one, just a few hours apart. Here I go.
Dear Mom,
All the words in the world could not express how much I love and cherish you and how much I appreciate every little thing that you do every single day. And even though we're separated by an entire continent at the moment, I'm able to stand here and go forward because you raised me with the strength of a lioness, always willing to go that extra mile and never willing to give up. I owe it all to you, Mom. I wake up every day and I think of you, hoping that God will keep you in His prayers, because I need you here for as long as possible. I can't imagine living in a world where you aren't, so I wish you only the best of health and a life like you deserve: happy, fulfilling, joyous.
I know it's not always been sunshine and butterflies, but even when we had our rough times, you were still the one person I could always count on, no matter what. Always with a kind word and a smile that lights up my heart, Mom, you're the best thing that ever happened on Earth. And while you may never read this letter, I know you are aware of all these things, because even if I don't take the time to say them, I'm definitely doing my best to show them. You've always made me feel like I can do anything and be anything I ever wanted and it is because of that that I can be here on my own and not feel like I'm drowning. Quite the opposite, I feel like I can climb Mount Everest with my bare hands, if needed. Thanks to you, Mom.
I am eternally grateful for being your daughter, I couldn't have asked for a better mother and I wouldn't, even if I could. Because you're MY mom and that says it all.
Love,
Cristina.
Dear Dad,
What can I even say? I was raised to believe that a normal family has a mother and a father, but I never had a father. You were always too busy working or drinking and I never felt that warm feeling of a dad. But I know now it wasn't your fault, you weren't doing it on purpose. Sure, I grew up to be a neurotic bipolar young adult, but when life gives you lemons, you gotta try and make lemonade, right? Right.
Nevertheless. I always tried to please you, from small things like learning to love football only because it's something you like; to bigger things like following in your academic footsteps and going to a school I absolutely despised. Did it matter? I think not. And now, even though I'm miles and miles away, you still can't help yourself and HAVE to say mean things to me. And while I try to pretend they don't hurt, they always do. But I'm so much stronger now, they won't wear me down. Never again. I understood, much too late, that there's no pleasing you. You are who you are and I love you just the same. I'm just tired of making it your way. I'm doing it my way now and there's absolutely nothing you can do. And I'm not going to apologize for it either.
And still...I type all of that while thinking that it's all true, but I don't care about any of that. I love you and though you weren't a perfect dad, at least you were there sometimes. And for those times, I thank you. For that and for teaching me a few valuable lessons for life. I just hate when you make me feel worthless and stupid, because I know for sure that I am not. And maybe it's time that you knew it, too. Which is why I'm here, far away from you, trying to prove that I CAN do it by myself. Cause if there's anything you taught me, it's that if you want good things to come your way, you have to make them happen. So, watch me, Dad.
Love,
Your eldest daughter, Cristina.
Dear Mom,
All the words in the world could not express how much I love and cherish you and how much I appreciate every little thing that you do every single day. And even though we're separated by an entire continent at the moment, I'm able to stand here and go forward because you raised me with the strength of a lioness, always willing to go that extra mile and never willing to give up. I owe it all to you, Mom. I wake up every day and I think of you, hoping that God will keep you in His prayers, because I need you here for as long as possible. I can't imagine living in a world where you aren't, so I wish you only the best of health and a life like you deserve: happy, fulfilling, joyous.
I know it's not always been sunshine and butterflies, but even when we had our rough times, you were still the one person I could always count on, no matter what. Always with a kind word and a smile that lights up my heart, Mom, you're the best thing that ever happened on Earth. And while you may never read this letter, I know you are aware of all these things, because even if I don't take the time to say them, I'm definitely doing my best to show them. You've always made me feel like I can do anything and be anything I ever wanted and it is because of that that I can be here on my own and not feel like I'm drowning. Quite the opposite, I feel like I can climb Mount Everest with my bare hands, if needed. Thanks to you, Mom.
I am eternally grateful for being your daughter, I couldn't have asked for a better mother and I wouldn't, even if I could. Because you're MY mom and that says it all.
Love,
Cristina.
Dear Dad,
What can I even say? I was raised to believe that a normal family has a mother and a father, but I never had a father. You were always too busy working or drinking and I never felt that warm feeling of a dad. But I know now it wasn't your fault, you weren't doing it on purpose. Sure, I grew up to be a neurotic bipolar young adult, but when life gives you lemons, you gotta try and make lemonade, right? Right.
Nevertheless. I always tried to please you, from small things like learning to love football only because it's something you like; to bigger things like following in your academic footsteps and going to a school I absolutely despised. Did it matter? I think not. And now, even though I'm miles and miles away, you still can't help yourself and HAVE to say mean things to me. And while I try to pretend they don't hurt, they always do. But I'm so much stronger now, they won't wear me down. Never again. I understood, much too late, that there's no pleasing you. You are who you are and I love you just the same. I'm just tired of making it your way. I'm doing it my way now and there's absolutely nothing you can do. And I'm not going to apologize for it either.
And still...I type all of that while thinking that it's all true, but I don't care about any of that. I love you and though you weren't a perfect dad, at least you were there sometimes. And for those times, I thank you. For that and for teaching me a few valuable lessons for life. I just hate when you make me feel worthless and stupid, because I know for sure that I am not. And maybe it's time that you knew it, too. Which is why I'm here, far away from you, trying to prove that I CAN do it by myself. Cause if there's anything you taught me, it's that if you want good things to come your way, you have to make them happen. So, watch me, Dad.
Love,
Your eldest daughter, Cristina.
Thursday, 16 December 2010
Day two (2)
Dear Crush,
No, I'm not going to say your name, because the moment I do, everything will be so much more real. Like the fact that no matter how hard I try, we can't have that perfect love, filled with happiness and good times. Because no matter how much I like you, you're more inaccessible to me than Prince William himself. And he's getting married next year, no less!
I suppose I should write some of the reasons why I like you, even though you'll never read this letter and all my words will be forever drowned in the sea of people writing to their loved ones. Or perhaps in an ocean of hope, one that's leaving me breathless every time I think about touching your cheek with the back of my hand, or your fingers gently tracing my neckline. My heart fills with joy every time we talk and it's like God meant for us to be brought together, even though not as I would want it to be. But no matter, I guess that's why they say even unrequited love is better than no love at all.
I know I had my shot with you and I blew it, royally. But I still feel your soul close to mine and whenever I look at the blue sky, I hope, deep down, that you're watching it, too and that it takes you back to a better place, one in which we're free to give ourselves to each other, with no boundaries or fears of the outer world. Because that's exactly how I envisioned our love and if there was any justice in the world, I'd be holding you tonight. And every night, for as long as we both live.
Love always,
Soulmate.
No, I'm not going to say your name, because the moment I do, everything will be so much more real. Like the fact that no matter how hard I try, we can't have that perfect love, filled with happiness and good times. Because no matter how much I like you, you're more inaccessible to me than Prince William himself. And he's getting married next year, no less!
I suppose I should write some of the reasons why I like you, even though you'll never read this letter and all my words will be forever drowned in the sea of people writing to their loved ones. Or perhaps in an ocean of hope, one that's leaving me breathless every time I think about touching your cheek with the back of my hand, or your fingers gently tracing my neckline. My heart fills with joy every time we talk and it's like God meant for us to be brought together, even though not as I would want it to be. But no matter, I guess that's why they say even unrequited love is better than no love at all.
I know I had my shot with you and I blew it, royally. But I still feel your soul close to mine and whenever I look at the blue sky, I hope, deep down, that you're watching it, too and that it takes you back to a better place, one in which we're free to give ourselves to each other, with no boundaries or fears of the outer world. Because that's exactly how I envisioned our love and if there was any justice in the world, I'd be holding you tonight. And every night, for as long as we both live.
Love always,
Soulmate.
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
Day one (1)
Dear Best Friend,
I'm not really sure who exactly am I writing this letter to, considering I've lost most of my friends throughout these last few years. However, there's a few people that are still with me, despite my attempts to completely isolate myself.
You've never judged me and you've always had a kind word, no matter what my issue was. We stay up late at night chatting about our favorite movies or songs, making sure to exhaust every little detail. You make me laugh and feel like everything will be alright in the end, because, no matter what, you will be there with me. In a world that's constantly trying to prove me wrong, you're the one proving me right. And for that and so much more, I love you and cherish you forever. I'm sorry if maybe I'm not always willing to share stuff or randomly chit chat, and thank you for understanding this every time it happens. I'm sorry if sometimes I'm not exactly the kind of friend you need, I'm trying to get better at that. And you're one of the motivating factors, of course.
I'm sorry if we don't keep in touch like before, but life can get pretty crazy. Which is not an excuse, but it's the way things go. And lastly, I'm counting down the days until I finally get to hug you again and have our paths reunited once more.
Until then,
Love always, Cristina.
I'm not really sure who exactly am I writing this letter to, considering I've lost most of my friends throughout these last few years. However, there's a few people that are still with me, despite my attempts to completely isolate myself.
You've never judged me and you've always had a kind word, no matter what my issue was. We stay up late at night chatting about our favorite movies or songs, making sure to exhaust every little detail. You make me laugh and feel like everything will be alright in the end, because, no matter what, you will be there with me. In a world that's constantly trying to prove me wrong, you're the one proving me right. And for that and so much more, I love you and cherish you forever. I'm sorry if maybe I'm not always willing to share stuff or randomly chit chat, and thank you for understanding this every time it happens. I'm sorry if sometimes I'm not exactly the kind of friend you need, I'm trying to get better at that. And you're one of the motivating factors, of course.
I'm sorry if we don't keep in touch like before, but life can get pretty crazy. Which is not an excuse, but it's the way things go. And lastly, I'm counting down the days until I finally get to hug you again and have our paths reunited once more.
Until then,
Love always, Cristina.
Tuesday, 14 December 2010
Challenge yourself.
I'm challenging myself to finally sit down and write every single day. Or at least every other day, providing that my work life doesn't get too hectic. I figured an aspiring journalist couldn't actually get there without lots of practice, so this is my challenge. Also, I'm only going to post writing stuff here and keeping my other blog for my personal issues. Might be easier this way, haha.
First, a little game called 'Letter a Day'. I got the idea from a friend of mine, but never actually used it. I think it's about time.
On this day you write a letter to:
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
Shall we? I apologize in advance if I bore anyone to death. Definitely not my intention.
First, a little game called 'Letter a Day'. I got the idea from a friend of mine, but never actually used it. I think it's about time.
On this day you write a letter to:
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
Shall we? I apologize in advance if I bore anyone to death. Definitely not my intention.
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